sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize