Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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