last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
