Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize