Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
