I CAN MOONWALK!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
