so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
