Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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