i barfeds in our rink
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When are your genitals available?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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