Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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