Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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