So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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