My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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