my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
