stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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