apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
