you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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