i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
