I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
