these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
