Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize