we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
