its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
