it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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