i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
