My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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