i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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