I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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