i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
