we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
