so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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