i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
