I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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