You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize