I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So squirting runs in the family.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
