First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
