I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
