She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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