i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
