I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
