return my video game
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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