Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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