Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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