so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
