there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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