I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
