What a fucking waste of an outfit
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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