On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize