meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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