If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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