i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize