I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
