i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize