i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
