Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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