Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
