i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
