You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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