Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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