i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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