its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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