come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
