u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
