make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
