Where is the hickey?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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