there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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