the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
