I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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