I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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