Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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