hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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