ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
