This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
