Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
