dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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