we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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