i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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