So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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