so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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