Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
