she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
