Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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