You made me cry and you don't even care
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
