i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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