Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
