he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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