no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When are your genitals available?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
