I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
