Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
