There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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