hotel room ftw
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
