her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
